I Don’t Do Surface-Level Conversations

(And Human Design Helped Me Understand Why)

For most of my life, I thought something about me was… too much or not enough.

Too intense.
Too deep.
Too probing.

Not patient enough.
Not soft enough.

I’ve had people get defensive with me.
Frustrated.
Reactive.
Slowly disappear and flat out run away.

And for a long time, I told myself stories about that.

“They can’t handle me.”
“Why won't they just listen to me?”
“I don’t belong here.”
“People don’t like me.”

Then I found out I’m a Projector in Human Design.

And one specific thing hit me like a truck.

Projectors are said to have a “penetrating aura.”

Which, if you’ve ever experienced me in conversation, probably tracks.

We don’t skim the surface.
We don’t do polite small talk for long.
We see patterns.
We see people.
We go deep — fast.

And here’s the part that changed everything for me:

Projectors are designed to wait for an invitation.

Not in a passive, powerless way.

But in an energetic way.

Meaning, when someone isn’t ready for depth, for reflection, for pattern interruption… our presence can feel invasive.

Not because it’s wrong.
But because it’s not invited.

And suddenly my entire life made sense.

There was a woman I deeply wanted to support during a transition in her life. I knew I could help. I could see things clearly. I had insight.

But I didn’t wait for her to really ask.

I inserted myself.
I invited her.
I chased the opportunity to support.

And she eventually told me, very honestly:

“The places you take things are just too intense for me. I’m not ready for that. Sometimes I just try to avoid you because I know you’ll go there.”

That could have crushed me.

Instead, through the lens of Human Design, it made sense.

She wasn’t rejecting me.

She wasn’t saying I was wrong.

She just wasn’t ready.

That distinction changed how I relate to people completely.

When someone invites me in — truly invites me — I feel received.
Valued.
Seen.

My boyfriend.
My sister.
My business partner.

They’ve given me what I think of as an “overarching invitation.”
An energetic yes.

And in those spaces? I thrive.

I don’t have to chase.
I don’t have to tone myself down.
I don’t have to wonder if I’m too much.

I just am.

A few years ago I was on a panel for women and someone asked me a question. I don’t even remember what the question was but my answer was:

“I don’t do surface-level. So if that’s not something you’re up for, don’t come talk to me.”

Everyone laughed.

But I meant it.

And now I understand it.

Human Design didn’t give me an excuse.

It gave me context.

It helped me:

• Stop taking things so personally.

• Honor other people’s energetic boundaries.

• Honor my own.

• Curate relationships with people who actually appreciate depth.

• Wait instead of chase.

• Be invited instead of inserting myself.

If you’ve ever felt:

• Too much.

• Too intense.

• Too different.

• Too scattered

• Or like you just want it to make sense…

Human Design might be an interesting thing to explore.

At its most basic level, Human Design is a synthesis of several systems (astrology, the I Ching, the chakra system, the Kabbalah tree of life, and quantum physics ) that creates a “body graph” based on your birth information.

It gives language to:

• How you’re wired to make decisions.

• How your energy operates.

• How you interact with others.

• Where you’re most aligned and where you force things.

I don’t teach it at a professional level.

But I use it.

In relationships.
In business.
In communication.
In understanding myself and others when they’re open to it.

I even do very basic-level readings for people who are curious and brand new to it.
And if you’re already into it and want to go deeper, I can connect you with my friend Taylor, Wildly Satisfied, who studies and teaches it more formally.

This isn’t about putting yourself in a box.

It’s about understanding your wiring so you can stop fighting it.

For me, learning I was a Projector didn’t make me special.

It made me softer with myself.

And a lot less reactive when someone wasn’t ready.

If you’re curious about your type, or you already know it, drop it in the comments.

I’d love to see what kinds of energy we’ve got here.