Happy Birthday to My Best Friend (And What That Actually Means)

This week is Jen's birthday. The Jen who is now my business partner. The Jen, I've been calling my best friend for a few years now.

And it's interesting how different we are. And what it really means to be friends, to be best friends, with someone from a very different background.

In my case, even a different nationality. Different ways we grew up. Different ways we were raised. We're so different in so many ways.

So I sat down today thinking: What do we actually do for each other that makes us call each other best friends?

What Best Friend Actually Means

I have couple other people that I call best friends. And across all of them, there's a pattern.

The first and foremost thing to me is the ability to be honest and vulnerable without being judged.

Knowing that they will give you a safe space to express yourself and feel whatever you feel without saying it's wrong or bad or the timing is off or whatever excuse people use to shut you down.

And willingness to help. At whatever cost. And sometimes, I'm sure, at inconvenience to them.

That ability to be heard and seen. And also, learning to disagree in a safe environment.

I don't always agree with the choices my friends make. But I also will never tell them what to do unless they ask me. And even then, it's almost like advice, not commands.

The Permission to Be Imperfect

I think the biggest gift is the ability to be imperfect. Being allowed to be imperfect.

And I think my best friends have seen my imperfections more than my perfections, if that makes sense.

They've seen me make mistakes. Overreact. Miss things. Struggle. And they didn't look away.

Sometimes they even have the ability to see what I don't see. A lot of times I'll go to them and say, "Hey, what am I missing? Am I wrong here? Am I overreacting?"

In different areas of life. But the recent one was with my daughter and her school situation. I needed someone to tell me if I was seeing it clearly or if my emotions were clouding my judgment.

And Jen gave me that. Without making me feel stupid for asking. Without making me feel like I should already know.

That's friendship. A person who gives you space to be you. Who doesn't require you to be perfect.

The Differences Between Us

Jen and I are different.

I like dancing. She likes to play soccer.

She grew up as an athlete. I grew up as a performer.

She has a strong father figure in her life. I don't have a father figure at all in my life.

I have kids. She doesn't.

She has a very different clothing style, even though she does like the way I dress up. Most of the time, I guess.

So we're different in so many ways.

What We Share

And yet, there are the things we share.

The desire to help others. To share our knowledge. To make the world a better place.

How fascinating and interesting we find human psychology. Everything that comes with it: knowledge, human behavior, neuroscience.

We love podcasts and books. Even though a lot of times we read different books, we share that knowledge with each other. It helps us expand on what we know.

Sometimes we recommend books to each other. Sometimes we just talk about what we've learned.

We love good food and travel. And that's why our Mexico retreat is so special and dear to our hearts. It combines everything we care about: growth, connection, incredible food, and experiencing the world together.

And I think that shared curiosity, that shared commitment to growth, that's the foundation.

Not that we're the same. But that we're both reaching for something similar.

What Friendship Doesn't Require

Friendship doesn't require you to be the same.

It doesn't require you to have the same background, the same nationality, the same upbringing.

It doesn't require you to like all the same things or dress the same way or have the same life experiences.

It doesn't even require you to agree on everything.

What it requires is space. Safety. Honesty. And the willingness to show up, even when it's inconvenient.

The Thing I Never Told Her

Here's something Jen probably doesn't know.

I knew we were going to be friends. Since the trainer’s training. I saw something in her and I was like, "I want to be friends with her."

I don't think I ever shared that part.

So maybe I just manifested our deep friendship. Or maybe I recognized something in her that I needed. Or maybe it was just that pull toward someone who feels safe.

But I love her. And I'm grateful that in this country, I found a person I can call my friend. My best friend.

What It Means to Find Your People

When you're an immigrant, finding your people isn't automatic.

You don't have the built-in network of childhood friends, high school friends, people who knew you before.

You have to build it. From scratch. As an adult. Which is harder than anyone wants to admit.

And you have to build it across differences. Different backgrounds. Different languages, sometimes. Different reference points.

But when you find it, when you find that person who sees you and chooses you anyway, it's something else.

It's not just friendship. It's found family.

The Business Partner Layer

And then there's the added layer: Jen is my business partner.

We work together. We build together. We make decisions together that affect both of our livelihoods.

And that could complicate friendship. It could create tension. It could blur lines in ways that damage both the business and the relationship.

But I think the friendship makes the partnership stronger.

Because we can disagree about business decisions without it becoming personal.

Because we can be honest about what's working and what's not without worrying the other person will take it as rejection.

Because we trust each other's intentions, even when we don't agree on execution.

And that trust didn't come from the business. It came from the friendship.

What Real Friendship Holds

Real friendship holds space for the messy parts.

The parts where you're not sure what to do. The parts where you overreact. The parts where you need someone to tell you what you're missing.

It holds space for disagreement without making it mean the friendship is fragile.

It holds space for difference without requiring you to become the same.

It holds space for growth without punishing you for who you were before.

And it holds space for vulnerability without weaponizing it later.

That's what Jen has given me. And I hope that's what I've given her.

The Gratitude Part

So this week, on her birthday, I'm grateful.

Grateful that she showed up in that trainer’s training.

Grateful that whatever I saw in her turned out to be real.

Grateful that she's seen my imperfections and didn't walk away.

Grateful that we can build a business together without destroying the friendship.

Grateful that in a country where I started with no one, I found someone I can call my best friend.

What Friendship Teaches About Leadership

And here's the leadership piece: The qualities that make a good friend are the same qualities that make a good leader.

The ability to hold space for imperfection.

The ability to disagree without making it personal.

The ability to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable.

The ability to show up, even when it's inconvenient.

The ability to see someone clearly and choose them anyway.

That's not just friendship. That's leadership.

And I think the best leaders are the ones who've learned how to be real friends first.

Happy Birthday, Jen

So happy birthday, Jen.

Thank you for being the kind of friend who makes space for all of me, not just the polished parts.

Thank you for disagreeing with me when I need it and supporting me even when you think I'm wrong.

Thank you for being my business partner without making the friendship transactional.

Thank you for being different from me in ways that make both of us better.

And thank you for showing up that day in the trainer's training, so I could see you and know, "I want to be friends with her."

I love you. And I'm grateful you're here.

- Irina